January 2012
3 posts
Actual Thing That Happened At Work
Setting: Local community center, where a group of 10 cub scouts all seven- or eight-years-old have met to make 80 bologna sandwiches. They then packed the sandwiches in bags along with an apple to donate to a church, which runs a program every day where it gives food to anybody who wants. I'm there to write a story about the group. I will be ME, MAX is the cub scout troop leader guy and LAUREN is his wife.
Lauren: So what do you need the kids to do?
Me: Oh, nothing. I'll just walk around and get some pictures of them working, and then after it's done I was hoping to briefly speak with Max and maybe a few of the kids.
Lauren: Ah, great. Maybe we could get them all together for a group shot when they're done.
Me: That would be great.
Max [loud enough so this could be heard across the room and over the sound of 10 young kids talking while making sandwiches]: Lauren knows a thing or two about group shots!
This has been an Actual Thing That Happened At Work. Goodbye.
Who Has The Sweetest Dreams?
I don’t have as much time as I’d like to sit around thinking about nonsense, which is unfortunate because I think I’m pretty great at it. Or at least pretty great at wasting time doing it. But recently I heard a song on the radio that led me down a pretty heated battle in my head.
That battle was over which version of a song titled “Sweet Dreams” I like the most....
December 2011
1 post
November 2011
1 post
October 2011
1 post
August 2011
2 posts
Watch The Throne Review
On “Who Gon Stop Me,” Jay-Z says the following:
Like broke, Like nope, Like ha, I ain’t no joke, I can’t be stopped Like nope, Like nope
This is the biggest problem with the album, because every time I hear all the uses of “nope” I think Jay-Z is about to make some Leslie Knope or Parks & Recreation reference, but he never does. And I think it every time I listen...
July 2011
2 posts
Thing I Said To My Family Tonight That They Didn't...
I’m really hoping it’s more coincidental than prophetic that I started reading Lolita the same week I got assigned to cover a bunch of 11- and 12-year-old girls softball games.
May 2011
1 post
Mom: If you're going out, would you mind stopping and getting me the newest People Magazine?
Me: Yeah sure. Which one is the newest one?
Mom: It has Pippa on the cover.
Me: Oh, so I guess this month it's Pippa Magazine, huh?
Mom: Oh, shut the fuck up.
March 2011
1 post
You Know What's Unpleasant?
When you meet a lady who seems like a nice enough lady; and then you become friendly and get to know her and she seems like not just a nice enough lady, but a rather amazing lady; and you two continue getting to know one another, becoming friends, partially thanks to travel for work, which placed the two of you in a car for multiple six-plus hour car rides, all of which contained a combined...